The Role of Family & Friends in Treating Dysthymia and Major Depression |
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If a family member or friend has been diagnosed with dysthymia or depression, there are some things you can do to help. The first thing to do is to learn about the illness. Too often people think that depression is not their problem if they don't have it. But depression affects the entire family. Read through the applicable section(s) of DepressionPlace.com to learn about the type of depression your loved one has been diagnosed with. Make sure you read the Stigma of Mental Illness article, as well. If you've never had depression, it can be very difficult to understand what the depressed person is experiencing. Because we throw around the word "depressed" casually in our culture, the concept of depression as an illness can become diluted. Everyone feels down or sad from time to time: it's a natural part of human existence. If you multiply that feeling by about 1, 000 times, you may begin to understand how a person with depression is feeling. Never having experienced the illness of depression does not mean you can't empathize with a person who is depressed. What Not To Do for a Person With DepressionThe most important thing you should NOT do for a person with depression or dysthymia is tell them to "snap out of it" or "grow a thicker skin." A depressed or dysthymic person can no more snap out of her illness than a diabetic person can will her blood sugar into the normal range. So-called tough love is not the appropriate approach to a person with depression; in fact, such an approach can make matters worse. Do not tell a depressed person that he or she is unpleasant to be around, even if you feel that way. It's true that being around a person with depression can be difficult and frustrating. But expressing these feelings to that person can be detrimental. Because it is important for family and friends to talk about how they are feeling about their depressed loved one, there are support groups in many communities for family and friends of people with mental illness. It can also be helpful for family or friends to seek counseling for themselves. Depression affects the whole family, so it makes sense that the whole family needs some kind of treatment for the illness. A person with a depressive disorder often has blind spots; there are things we just can't see are right or wrong with our lives. It doesn't help your depressed friend or family member to tell him what's wrong with him or his life. If you find yourself saying, "I know you don't want to hear this, but ..." Stop. If you feel that the person with depression is in a dangerous or abusive situation, inform his doctor about the situation (but be aware that because of confidentiality issues, the doctor will not be able to discuss the person's situation with you in any detail). There are reasons why a person with depression may be repressing emotions, thoughts, or memories. These are best resolved with a mental health professional. Here, again, it helps to think in terms of an analogy to diabetes. Most people wouldn't even think of interfering with the course of a diabetic person's treatment (for example, telling him to increase or decrease his dose of medication), the same goes for a depressed person's treatment. The key is to recognize and remember that talking about his or her problems is part of the treatment for depression. Bringing up painful or difficult issues with a person who is depressed should be left to mental health professionals. If there is a reason to be in family or joint counseling, that's where these issues should be addressed. Don't ignore talk of suicide. The scariest part of depression and dysthymia is that these illnesses can lead to suicide or suicide attempts. As often as you may hear a depressed person talk about suicide or say things like, "you'd be better off without me," you should always take these references seriously. The person is not trying to manipulate you; she is asking for help. Even if the person is not on the verge of suicide, suicidal thoughts or talk reflect the level of hopelessness that the person with depression is experiencing. It is always better to err on the side of caution and take the talk of suicide seriously. A few words about feeling manipulatedVery often a person with dysthymia, who has had the disorder for much of her life, is seen as being melodramatic or manipulative. I remember saying, "you don't love me," very often when my brothers would tease me when we were children. Of course, their teasing was a natural part of the sibling relationship: Who doesn't tease a younger sister or brother? Nothing they ever did was out of malice; they always loved me. However, my response to their teasing was genuine. I wasn't trying to get them to stop teasing me (all I had to do for that was call for my mom!). I honestly felt they were rejecting me. It wasn't their fault; it was the dysthymia. Likewise, you may encounter statements such as "you don't love me" or "everyone hates me" or "I don't belong here" from a dysthymic or depressed person (particularly a depressed or dysthymic child or teen). While it may be difficult to see these statements as anything but an attempt to manipulate your feelings, keep in mind that depression and dysthymia can dramatically color the affected person's perception of reality. He or she is actually feeling unloved or isolated. Here, again, it helps family and friends to seek help of their own. A counselor can help you learn the best way to deal with your feelings and the feelings of the depressed family member or friend. What To Do for a Person With DepressionThere are many ways you can help a friend or family member through a depressive episode. Learning about the illness is key. A person with dysthymia is usually functioning all right (though she's feeling that everything she does is a major effort). A person with an episode of major depression is likely not functioning well at all. When a loved one has an episode of major depression, it often falls to family members or friends to get that person the help he needs. It was my best friend in high school who first got me into therapy for depression. When I was 38, it was my parents who made an appointment for me with a psychiatrist and brought me to that appointment. In between, I got myself into therapy. The point is that you may need to make sure that the depressed person is going to therapy sessions and taking medication. Include the depressed person in gatherings of family or friends. Don't assume she knows she's invited. Make a point of specifically inviting the person to the get-together and encouraging her to actually go. Offer to pick her up and drive her there. If she resists, tell her how much everyone wants her there. Although people with depression often feel going out is too strenuous or that we will not feel we belong, we usually enjoy being around the people who care about us once we get there. Getting together with family and friends goes a long way in helping a person with depression. Offer to help the depressed person around the house. You may offer to go to lunch and then help her clean the kitchen or do laundry. You may offer to go grocery shopping with her. You may offer to help with bill-paying or dealing with insurance. The key is to do something with the depressed person. Your company is what helps make the tasks seem less daunting. More to come. |
Hugs Are Healing!
One of the best
things you can
do for a friend
or family member
who is depressed
is give him or
her a hug.
They're free,
but they're
priceless!
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